Elena: Stefan is not a vampire!
Montage Scene
Elena: No! He's not!
MONTAGE SCENE!
Elena: No, no, no, no, no he's not!
MONTAGE SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE!!!!!
(The CW must have heard how excited I was for the montage scene, because they showed it AGAIN!)
Elena runs to the Salvatore House to find Stefan and confront him and...White light!
Flashback! To Mystic Falls in the year that Stefan was a human:
Ooooh it's going to be one of those episodes. YES! Reminds me of Angelus and Darla, awww.
That 1800's hairdo is not working for you, bud. Niether is the jacket. Where's the leather? Oh human Stefan....you were so uncool!
Oh Hai
Present Day Mystic Falls:
Elena: What are you? What are you? OMG what are you?
Stefan: Say it! Out loud!
Elena: No!
Stefan: Damn! It worked so well when Edward did it. Ok, fine! I'll tell you. But just so you know...all of that stuff in Twilight is wrong. Also the stuff they showed in Buffy, totally wrong. Oh and some things you read in Anne Rice? Also wrong. Baby, I'm going to change your life when I tell you the real deal.Elena: Oh no you won't, Vampire. I'm leaving!
Elena: Aaaaaaaaaah!
Dead Townie Druggie Bonfire:
Damon: Mmmmmmm yummy, blood. OOh alcohol. FIRE!
While Damon is burning the bodies of his victims he calls Stefan.
Damon: Yo bro, sup? Had the buffet, it's delish! WHERE'S MY RING PRECIOUSSSSS!
Stefan: Finders keepers, losers weepers.
Damon:Fine the whisky is mine! Oh Hai Vickie, you're not dead-again. Do you want to be....undead? Muahahahahaha.
Damon's Eyebrows: Are excited
Elena's House:
Stefan is lurking around outside her window while she sleeps. I told you that you needed to do that Stefan, like 3 episodes ago! Glad you got with the program.
Elena and Stefan Do Lunch:
Elena: Facebook quiz-Vampire Edition! Bats? Coffins? Sunlight? Garlic? BLOOD?
Stefan: Myth, myth, legend, fallacy, salacious rumor! Oh, that one's true.
Elena: Are there more of you? Am I going to be picked up off a baseball field and dragged away by some traveling vampire who wants a snack?
Stefan: No of course not, I don't even play baseball
Elena: Oh that's a relief. Ok so you and Damon are the only ones. The ONLY vampires in Mystic Falls. (Yeah sure Elena, now you know there's going to be another one)
Dead Townie Druggie Bonfire:
Kyle XY's Mom, that other guy, and the Ex-newscaster gather.
Ex-newscaster: I got the watch! Let the mojo doing begin!
Kyle XY's Mom: Good, because that Vickie girl is still alive!
Salvatore House:
Damon: Ugh, I'm so bored! I've already done my eyebrow workout. Where's my ring. Where's Stefan? I have my best one-liners when I'm with him. Pout. Ok I guess I'll replace him. Here Vickie, drink the nice blood.
Stefan and Elena in the middle of nowhere that didn't use to be nowhere, but used to be Stefan's home.
Is it time for another flashback scene? Ooh goody!Elena: How old are you?
Stefan: 17
Elena: No stupid, how ooooooold are you?
Stefan: Oh...like really, really, really old.
Flashback: Mystic Falls in the Year that Stefan was Human:
This is also the year that Damon wore suspenders!
And
Back at the Salvatore's:
Vickie took a shower! She is clean, she is wearing peek-abu bootie undie-shorts. And she is feeling GOOOOD!
Back to the Year that Stefan was a Human:
Oooooh things are steaming up...
The next morning: Katherine is laced up in the sort of corset that would make Elizabeth Swan faint. And her hair looks FABULOUS!
Stefan is pissed about the vampirizing. But not so pissed after he's been compelled...
Vampire Mojo Time
Got the pocket watch? Great now let me take it apart and re-assemble it into a super secret vampire tracker device.
Ex-newscaster: Hello! It's called a compass.
Dancing with the Vampires: AKA The Greatest Scene EVER!
Vickie and Damon decide to dance around the Salvatore House in the best sequence I have EVER seen! They hold hands, they frolick, they do the dirty dancing. And then they have a pillow fight!
Damon's hips: Swivel
Vickie's Body: Spins
Then Damon sees a picture of Katherine and now the party is over.
Damon: Damn, whore you suck. You know what would be awesome?!? Death!
Vickie: Neck Snap...DEAD!
At Elena's:
Jeremy: Vickie, what's wrong? What are you high on? It's the middle of the day.
Vickie: Out of the way lover boy. Kiss me, feed me! Augh, sun it burns. Oooh food.
Jeremy: Wow you're really messed up, even for you. I'm calling your brother.
Matt: OMG, what is she high on now?
Vickie: I'm teething!
Stefan and Elena show up and Stefan knows immediately what's wrong because he's a vampire and he knows these things.
Stefan: Everybody back. I've seen this before. Vickie is just transitioning into a vampire. Psssh. No biggie.
And NO ONE notices or questions Stefan's sudden expertise in
Stefan: Get her upstairs. Stat!
Vickie and Jeremy up in bed. Uh-oh that hug has landed her face unecessarily close to his neck. She is about to vampirize him, but she doesn't. Go Vickie. And Stefan leaves to track her down and keep her from drinking blood.
Ex-newscaster: Come on magic compass, tell me where the vampires are.
At Elena's:
Damon at the door!
Elena: Get out of here! Go away I hate you, OMG!
Damon: Dont look at me with those judgy little eyes.
Elena: Just go.
Damon's Eyebrows: Are Enthusiastic
In the Woods: Vickie's Vampire Transition Breakdown:
Ok I feel really bad for Vickie right now. Poor girl. But it's ok because Stefan is going to help you. But then Stefan gets SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the ex-newscaster is there with his stake! Oh noes!
Damon: Nobody kills my brother but me! Augh!Stefan: NOOOOO!
Vickie: Has vampirized the ex-newscaster. Aunt Jenna will be PISSED!
Back at Elena's (again):
Elena: Thanks for explaining about vampires to me. But I think we should see other people.
Stefan: What, but...I...you...I...I'm a sexy centuries old vampire. And I'm vegetarian!
Elena: I am not a Mary Sue!
Stefan is Stunned!
Elena is Heartbroken. How many minutes into the next episode you think until they get back together?
Next week: Vampire Vickie terrorizes the town and Caroline is pissed because no one noticed her sexy cat costume.
Also completely MIA this episode: Bonnie, Aunt Jenna, and Caroline. Where my girls at?
EEEKKK I missed tonight episode trying to find it KNOW thanks for the recap !!!!!
ReplyDeleteDEniseMAdenss
That dance scene was just...wow. And I missed my girls! Except for Aunt Jenna.
ReplyDelete"Damon's Eyebrows: Are Enthusiastic" <---- bahahhaha.
"Stefan: Myth, myth, legend, fallacy, salacious rumor! Oh, that one's true." <--- that made me think of 10 Things I Hate About You w/ Kat & Patrick's rumor-honesty scene
Also... Katherine has awesome hair, but I HATE how it always overwhelms her teeny tiny face. Am I alone in this one?
So I think I look forward more to your recaps of the episodes then the episodes themselves...they're hilarious! Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteNatalie @ Mindful Musings
Haha, you're so funny. Your recaps are amazing. ;D I really loved yesterday's episode. It was intense.
ReplyDeleteI could only make myself watch episode 1. And i didn't like it (despite having Ian Sommerhalder as Damon! this must be serious! O.o)
ReplyDeleteSo I won't keep watching this show. Though you make it sound probably funnier than it was LOL