Hunger Games Cast: Donald Sutherland is President Snow!

All I can say is: SO. PERFECT.

Why hello, evil President Snow.

Full article here.

This cast is going to be PHENOMENAL.

Oh, and we didn't officially post about it, but in case you missed it, last week they announced that Lenny Kravitz would play Cinna. Not something I pictured, but I think it'll work!

Thankfully, he can look way more subtle than this blinged-out fiasco.

I, for one, really like that they chose mostly unknown actors to play the younger candidates and well-known actors to play the adult roles.

What do you think??!!!

Tweet

The BEA Book Fort! Plus prize pack giveaway of BLOODLINES and more!!!

We're finally recovered from BEA and have organized all of the amazing books we snagged, so it's time for a week of awesome posts and giveaways!

Three of us attended BEA, thus the total number of ARCs and finished copies of awesome books was a little.... impressive. And we have the sore arm muscles to prove it!

Somewhere along the way, someone made a joke that we had enough books to build a book fort. Then we realized that we actually kinda did.

Operation Book Fort commenced! And we videotaped it!

LOCATION: Sara's office, during her housewarming party
FORT-MAKING (AND VIDEOTAPING) HELPER: Geoff, of the Gay in Public blog
MISSING FNC-ER: Janine, who just bought her first home! Yayyy Janine!
NUMBER OF BOOKS: A fortful!*

Part 1: The Blueprint!

Part 2: Almost there!

Part 3: THE FORT!

In which our fort gets a flag,
and we try to name all the books we got...
without being able to see the titles.

(Thankfully, I edited the end of the video before we got really goofy.)

Part 4: The Giveaway!
The great news for you guys is, since three of us attended BEA and frequently split up on the floor, we ended up with a couple duplicate copies of incredible ARCs.... and we have an awesome paranormal prize pack to give away!
Up for grabs today is...

Bloodlines - Richelle Mead

Undercurrent (Siren trilogy #2) - Tricia Rayburn

AND

 The Shadowing: Hunted - Adam Slater

And the best part?
TWO WINNERS!


*** This giveaway is now closed. Thank you for entering! Check out the winners HERE. ***

BONUS VIDEOS!
(Because Frankie really didn't want to leave the fort,
so we just kept recording her.)

Part 5: In which Geoff's not really recording, right?
And Sara sees the Fort for the first time.
 

Part 6: In which Frankie threatens to go all Katniss
on your ass if you attempt to harm the Book Fort.


Part 7: In which Geoff admits he thought we were exaggerating
when we said we'd build a fort. Silly Geoff.

And because BEA is about more than just books, stay tuned this week for recaps of BEA events, the Teen Author Carnival, and the This Is Teen signing at Scholastic! We met so many authors and bloggers, and we can't wait to share with you! 

If you attended BEA - what was your favorite part? What book were you most excited to get? What authors did you meet?

* This is a totally official numerical representative.... or it's my not-so-subtle way of admitting that we didn't actually count the total number of books.

Tweet

NYC Week!

We've been a little quiet on the blog lately, but that's only because we're prepping for a WEEK OF AWESOME in NYC!

Frankie, Sara, and I will be traveling back and forth from NYC from Monday-Thursday this week, checking out the awesomeness of events like:

The Teen Author Carnival

BEA events and signings on Tuesday, Wednesday, AND Thursday

This Is Teen event with Meg Cabot,  Libba Bray, and Maggie Stiefvater*

Kidlit Drink Night, BEA edition

... and we're even catching a little Daniel Radcliffe on Broadway!

Image source.

We're somewhat giddy with the knowledge of all the incredible authors (and fellow bloggers!) we'll meet, the ARCs we're going to snag (Sara has a highlighted spreadsheet -- watch out, people!), and the networking fun we're about to have.

And we're going to share it with you!

This is our first time attending BEA --- though last year, Frankie and I were in NYC during BEA to meet her agent and had quite the adventures! --- but veteran BEA bloggers have prepared us for how exhausting this week can be, so we'll do our best to keep you updated with some fun tidbits and pics, and we're guaranteed to have some epic posts when we get home!

In the meantime, we're packing up snacks and supplies (and extra bags for books to bring home!), readying our itineraries (ok, that's only Sara and I), and prepping our Amtrak tickets/MetroCards/cab fare/walking shoes.

The only question is: We're ready for New York, but is New York ready for the FNC?**

Stay tuned to find out!

* I just about die of the awesomesauce every time I realize that I'm about to meet MEG CABOT, one of my YA icons. (Every time I say her name in my mind, it's totally in all caps.)
** That's super nerdy, but I think I'll keep it. I'm pretty nerdy myself!

Jeri Smith-Ready signing recap!

Friday night, Frankie, Sara, and I drove down to Between Books in Claymont, DE for Jeri Smith-Ready's signing for SHIFT, the second book in the AMAZING Shade series!

See this book? It's amazing. So amazing
that we wish we wrote it. You really, really
should read this book.

First off, I want to give a shout out to Between Books. This indie bookstore has been around for over 30 years, and it's everything an indie should be --- small, personable, quirky, and crammed full of great books, with a passionate and friendly staff. I wish the FNC lived closer, but we'll be sure to stop by next time we're in the area!

Now --- the signing!

Frankie and Jeri became friends during the Branson writers' retreat in February, and all we heard about was how awesome and fun Jeri is. And Frankie was right!

Five reasons Jeri Smith-Ready is (1) awesome and (2) fun:
- She brought yummy Italian cookies! And scones! (AKA my dinner)
- She read from SHIFT ... with a SCOTTISH ACCENT for Zachary.
- She is super friendly and laid-back.
- She has an adult series about vampire DJs. I bought the first book, and I'm sure books 2 and 3 will be purchased shortly, because everything she writes is awesome.
- She chatted with us about random things like the upcoming Rapture (that never happened) and college mottos (don't even ask).

Did you know? Because Jeri writes paranormal, she tends to read a lot of contemporary --- which is why her novels have such a great contemporary vibe!

We took some photos at the signing (which was quite the blogger-palooza), and here they are!

Jeri, Frankie, Sara, me, Steph Su, and Kelly Lyman

Jena and Steph Su

Sara and Kelly

Steph Su and 3/4 of the FNC!

Action shot! Jeri signing Kelly's book.

Thanks to Jeri and Between Books for a great signing!

Tweet

Katnisssssssss!!!

I have to say, I LOVE Entertainment Weekly for their coverage of The Hunger Games movie!

This cover has me so excited!

Check out the article HERE.

What do you think? Is this how you pictured Katniss? Anyone a Jennifer Lawrence convert now, or do you still have doubts?

Vampire Diaries: As I Lay Dying Recap

Elena’s House of Woe

Aunt Jenna: *Is not in this episode Will NEVER be in another episode ever again*

Damon: So just wanted to say I’m sorry that Aunt Jenna died, even though I fought relentlessly to put Bonnie in her place for several episodes. Also I’m sorry that I forced you to drink my blood. Also that I used the last of your favorite hair conditioner, The peach kind. Can you forgive me?

Elena: I need some time. Like maybe not until midway through next season.

Damon: So not in the next 47 minutes before I die from a wolf’s bite.

Elena:…

Damon: Right. Kay. Take your time.

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Folky Girl Music: *Is Playing*

Damon: Seriously? They’re playing folk girl music? As if my wolf’s bite wasn’t bad enough? There goes my masculinity. I’m going to kill myself. *removes ring* *steps into light* *BURNS*

Stefan: *Suicidal-Vampire-Brother-Wall-Slam* Come on, man. Didn’t last week’s episode teach you anything?

Damon: Never trust a vampire who claims he’s a boyscout?

Stefan: No! That the writers can create season 3 contracts out of anything. Trust me. We’re getting you a cure. But in the meantime….

Damon: *is locked in the dungeon*

Edward and Bella’s Meadow of Love

Klaus: Werewolf hangovers? YES!

Elijah: Not mooning your brother? Yes! *tosses clothes*

Klaus: Being able to change into a wolf whenever the writers find it convenient? YES!

Elijah: Taking me to the bodies of our siblings? Yes?

Klaus: Invincible werepire here. I do what I want!

Elijah: But our agreement…

Klaus: *zips up pants*

The Only Restaurant In Mystic Falls

Alaric: *drinks* I am officially the most useless character on this show.

Stefan: Tyler bit Damon and he’s going to die. So become useful.

Alaric: I’ll try…but my script says otherwise…

Mystic Falls Gone With the Wind Town Marathon

Jeremy: Why does Mystic Falls plan so many crazy events?

Elena: Well it’s either that or bore the residents enough to realize they attend funerals every other day for people who died of vampire, werewolf, witch, or warlock. And one car accident.

Caroline: Also costumes! Yay!

Salem Witches Plot Point Redux

Stefan: So just ask Emily to give you a cure, kay?

Bonnie: *speaks in witch freshmen level Latin*

Candles: *Light*

Bonnie: *eyes widen*

Stefan: Bonnie?

Bonnie-Emily: It is I. Emily.

Stefan: Sup? Can you give Bonnie Damon’s Season 3 Contract?

Bonnie-Emily: No! The producers are already pissed we stole Elena’s season 3 non-vampire contract last episode.

Stefan: That’s not fair!

Emily: *witch headaches Bonnie*

Bonnie: AAAAAAAAH! Crap! They locked me out of the file room, said I’m abusing their power. But…if you find Klaus that might work too.

Mystic Falls Police Station

Mrs. Lockwood: So I have officially run out of ideas for events to host in Mystic Falls which means people are going to start realizing the actual death toll around here. Fix the whole vampire situation!

Officer Forbes: Once I figure out how to kill my daughter I’m on it!

Gone With the Wind Marathon

Elena: Stefan! I KNEW this was your favorite movie.

Stefan: Actually I came here to tell you that Damon’s dying and Klaus may have a cure, so I have to go find Klaus and do whatever I can to save Damon and further my quest for redemption. Also can you baby-sit the rabies infested delusional dying vampire because you were so good at it the last time that happened?

Elena: ….

Flashback to the Year When Damon Gets a Load of Katherine’s Cleavage

Katherine: My corset is loose. Will you tighten it?

Damon: Hehe! I’ve never even seen a woman’s ankle before! Don’t tell Stefan.

Katherine: But I want you both. Elena? Why are you in this flashback?

Elena: To prove that Damon is delusional.

Damon: I’m still dying, aren’t I? Crap!

Klaus-Alaric’s Apartment of Katherine Still Can’t Leave

Stefan: I need to find Klaus.

Katherine: Why am I still stuck here?

Klaus: I’m here!

Stefan: Klaus! Help me save my brother.

Elijah: Yeah, help him save his brother. And reunite me with our family.

Klaus: Kay. *stabs Elijah* You are now reunited! *Stefan-wall-slam-stab*

Katherine: Yay! I love it when not-me is being tortured!

Stefan: Help me get Damon his season 3 contract and I’ll get you a season 3 contract as well.

Klaus: Hmmmm. I did spend most of this season being played by Alaric. I have more facial expressions I’ve been working on and an array of nude post-wolf scenes.

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Damon: I’m dyinnnnngggg. But I deserve it. I vampirized your wife. And got Aunt jenna killed. Also, I kick puppies.

Alaric: Yah, sorry. Not going to assist in your suicidal tendencies this episode.

Damon: I want Elena to baby-sit me!

Elena: I’m here!

Frankie: Dude, Elena heard about Damon in the morning and now it’s night. What on earth has she been doing all these hours?

Officer Forbes: Gotcha! Where’s Damon?

Elena: …

Alaric: Oh crap. You don’t want to see Damon now.

Officer Forbes: *burst into the suicide chamber*

Damon: Hi Liz! *Wall-Slam* *Escapes*

Gone With the Mystic Falls Marathon

Call from Alaric: Dying Damon escaped!

Bonnie: Crap, I better go find him. Wait here, Jeremy.

Jeremy: If you trick me into staying behind again we’re breaking up!

Peeta Mellark: You tell her!

Klaus-Alaric’s Apartment of Vampire Let’s Make a Deal

Klaus: I once heard of a vampire who was the awesomesauce and killed everyone he saw. He would burst into a town and eat everyone. He turned white-blond British men into vampires named Spike, and drove virgins insane until they became crazy vampires named Drusilla.

Angelus: *coughs*

Klaus: Oh, wait…wrong show. I mean, there was this one vampire who was so bad ass he once partied with Bon Jovi in a hot tub full of fudge.

Stefan: That was me!

Klaus: Yeah, so if you become that super bad vampire again…I will make you a deal!

Stefan: Crap.

Gone With the Delusions Marathon

Damon: Am I in a flashback? Katherine?

Mystic Falls: Nope. Just another day in our town of random events.

Jeremy: Gotcha. Come on, Damon.

Mystic Falls Police Station

Officer Forbes: All vampires must be killed!

Random Officer: Damon’s been spotted at the TORIMF.

Elena: Let me come with you. He’s sick. I can help. Oh ok…yeah, I’ll just stay here…I'm only the STAR of the show... *pouts*

The Only Restaurant in Mystic Falls

Officer Forbes: Freeze!

Damon: *does not freeze*

Officer Forbes: *shoots*

Jeremy: *is hit*

Officer Forbes: OMG!

Caroline: It’s okay, he’s wearing his not-dying ring.

Bonnie: It won’t work!

Caroline: UGH! Those rings never work! Here….have some blood.

Jeremy: *is dead*

Alaric: WTF!?!? Ok let’s get our boy to the witch’s cave of secret spells and find his season 3 contract.

Mystic Falls Police Station

Elena: Chair, meet Window. *Smash*

Klaus-Alaric’s Apartment

Klaus: So here’s Damon’s cure…my blood. But I’ll only trade you for 10 years of mayhem.

Stefan: In my quest for redemption to save my brother, I will kill everyone I see for 10 years.

Frankie: Dude….this so won’t redeem you.

Klaus: *throws blood bag* Drink up!

Stefan: *slurp slurp* RAAWWWRRRR

Bonnie’s Secret Cave of Salem Witch Burial Plot Points

Bonnie: AAAAAH! The witches are mad I came back. They won’t save Jeremy.

Alaric: Jeremy can’t die! Fans won’t want to watch Elena do a funeral scene two weeks in a row!

Bonnie: The witches say there will be consequences. AAAAH! Help! I’ve never had a romantic storyline before! Don’t take it away!

Bonnie’s Nose: *bleeds*

The Lights: *go off*

Jeremy: *Is alive* Oh hey guys.

Bonnie: My romantic storyline is back!

Flashback to the Year When Damon Frolics In the Woods With Katherine

Damon: Katherine! Wait! The oak tree is supposed to be base.

Katherine: Tag, you’re it!

Damon: I love you, Katherine.

Elena: Damon! It’s Elena. Why does every rabies-infected vampire always mistake the two of us. I mean I know we’re played by the same actress, but hello…when I’m Elena I have the boring hair.

Damon: I want to be a vampire, Katherine. I’m going to bite you.

Elena: Nooooooooo!

Damon: *nom nom nom*

Elena: WTF! Washing blood from my hair is really hard!

The Only Restaurant in Mystic Falls

Caroline: Don’t worry mom, Jeremy’s alive. You’re not a cold blooded killer.

Officer Forbes: Phew! For a second I thought I had killed him.

Caroline: Oh you totally did. But unlike you stupid humans and your murdering guns, us supernaturals have healing powers. Also, I think it’s about time you stop wanting to kill me.

Officer Forbes: *hug*

Elena’s House

Jeremy: *skypes Bonnie* Thank you so much for saving my life, Bonnie!

Bonnie: You’re welcome. Sex tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that?

Jeremy: I love being alive!

Alaric: Since some vamps and a werepire are still in my apartment, I’m sleeping over.

Jeremy: Ok. Thanks for carrying my dead butt around to be saved.

Alaric: You’re welcome. Sex tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that?

Frankie: That was officially Alaric’s best moment ever!

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Damon: Leave me, Elena. I’ll hurt you.

Elena: No! I demand a death-bed cuddle!

Damon: Ok. Mumble mumble sorry….mumble…my fault…mumble mumble always thought you were hot….mumble redemption

Klaus’s Apartment of Devil Deal Making

Stefan: No more blood! I’m full!

Klaus: One more baggie….

Stefan: This is going to kill my diet!

Klaus: Here Katherine, go bring the cure to Damon.

Stefan: She’ll never take it to him!

Klaus: And you think I care?

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Damon: I’m sorry Elena.

Elena: I forgive you.

Damon: I love you, you know.

Elena: I know.

Team Dalena: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon: If you had met me in 1864 you would have really liked me.

Elena: I totally like you now.

**KISS**

Katherine: Hey guys, brought your cure! Also Stefan ran off with Klaus to kill people for a decade. So I guess you have a new boyfriend now. Man…the thing about death bed love confessions…is you should wait until people are ACTUALLY on their death bed. Toodles.

Damon and Elena: *awkward*

Klaus’s Tombs

Klaus: Ok now to prove me to you’re really Angelus, not Angel…I mean Stefan…eat this girl.

Stefan: *gulp*

Girl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Stefan: *nom nom*

Elena’s House of Season 1 Contracts Renewed

Jeremy: *wakes up* Did you hear something? *walks downstairs…*

Vickie: Hehehehe

Anna: Hahaha!

Jeremy: OMG! I see dead people girlfriends.

The Vampire Diaries: The Sun Also Rises Recap

Opening Credits: The Lockwolfs Chamber of No Dogs Allowed in This Doghouse

Caroline: Tyler! Calm the crap down!

Wolf-Tyler: RAAAWWWRRRR!

Matt: *shoots gun*

Caroline: Matt! How many times do I have to tell you! Don’t shoot your friends.

Klaus-Alaric’s Apartment of Last Week’s Recap

Damon: So then last episode Tyler came back and wolfed out and bit me and now I’m going to die. Also you suck because you called Aunt Jenna for Klaus even though I totally gave you Anti-Damon to prevent stupid crap like this from happening.

Katherine: Sorry?

Damon: I hate you!

Pier of Werepire Making

Aunt Jenna: What the crap! You called me, Elena, but it wasn’t you, and then some vampire with a lion-like face grabbed me and made me drink his blood and insulted my shoes and now I can’t remember anything. Am I really a vampire?

Elena: Um, yeah. It happens to people who know me. A lot. But don’t worry. I’m going to save you.

Gretta: Hungry, Aunt Jenna? *wrist slash* Drinky drinky the nice blood.

Elena: I’m going to save you, Aunt Jenna!

Aunt Jenna: My vampire eyes suggest otherwise…

Bonnie’s Underground Cave of Witch-Sex

Jeremy: All of these spell books are totally useless.

Bonnie: I know. But at least we hit that awesome sale at Candle Barn!

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Elijah: So at this point we’re pretty screwed unless Bonnie witches Klaus dead.

Stefan: I can’t let an innocent life, as well as our token black character go to waste.

Phone call from Damon: So ummmm, Klaus has Aunt Jenna.

Elijah and Stefan: *look at Alaric*

Alaric: What? Why are you all looking at me? I’m not allowed to say anything useful.

Pier of Werepire Making

Aunt Jenna: I feel like me, but way better. My pores are smaller, my skin is sparkly… I feel invincible, like nothing can harm me, like I'm made of marble.

Elena: Wrong vampire mythology.

Aunt Jenna: I’m going to die aren’t I?

Elena: …

Jules: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! What did you do to me? AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Gretta: Witched your wolfing to slow down. Also, according to the script you have no more lines. You’re only allowed to moan and groan.

Jules: Uuuuuuugggghhhhh!

Klaus: Hello ladies! *obligatory bad guy grin*

Lockwood Mansion of More Episode Recaps

Caroline: Matt, how did you know about vampires and werewolves? I compelled you to forget all that stuff four episodes ago.

Matt: Your mom gave me Anti-Damon and I remembered everything.

Caroline: So you accept my vampireness?

Matt: It’s too early in the episode to relieve that much tension with an actual answer.

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Damon: This wolf bite is SO not sexy.

Uncle John: WTF! Why isn’t Elena safe?

Damon: She’ll be ok. I forced her to drink my blood and it’ll vampirize her.

Uncle John: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon: Don’t get mad…but there’s more…

Pier of Werepire Making

Klaus: It took me 500 years to find this freaking moonstone. Who knew that all along it was just sitting in the back of the Props Department.

Gretta: Let’s start this spell!

Jules: Auuuuuggghhh! OOOOOH! EEEEEWWWW! AAAAHHH! OOOOH! *wolfs out*

Klaus: *Wolf-heart-rip*

Aunt Jenna: FML! FML! FML! FML!

Bonnie’s Underground Lair of We Swear It’s Not a Fire Hazard

Jeremy: Look, a resurrection spell in the spell books.

Alaric: Um, Jeremy… You know how characters you care about have a tendency to die?

Jeremy: Yeah…

Bonnie: OMG, Klaus has Aunt Jenna? Well I totally need to witch him dead, even if it kills me!

Stefan: NO! Even though it’s totally the way to save everyone’s life and my lady love and the lives of millions who will suffer from the existence of a werepire on the loose I will not let you die!

Bonnie: Stefan, you make no sense.

Stefan: I’ll just trade places with Aunt Jenna.

Pier of Werepire Making

Aunt Jenna: So when the lawyer was like oh hai! You’re going to be the guardian for these two nightmare children now, the correct answer was RUUUUUUUUUNNNNN! Worst guardian ever! I totally failed you.

Elena: Nah, I’m the star of the show. It’s all about me. So actually, I failed you. Anyway here’s the deal. You’re a vamp, so you have super powers now. Just use them to run away.

The Lockwolf’s Mansion of Naked Wolfing

Caroline: Does my mom want to kill me?

Matt: Maybe?

Tyler: *is now just Tyler* *is NAKED!!!!!*

Caroline: Quick! Matt, give me your coat.

Matt: Why?

The Coat: *cock blocks*

Mystic Falls Code of Honor

Elijah: Stefan, you are like the dumbest character on this show, but you’re so very honorable.

Stefan: You too, man! But Klaus is your brother. Are you sure you’ll actually kill him like you said and not at the last second decide to jump ship and save him and return to be a villain in season 3?

Elijah: Hmmmm. Excuse me while I call my agent. *phone call* Yes, yes...good plan! *snaps phone shut* No. Don’t worry. I will totally kill my brother. He killed the rest of my family and scattered their bodies into places I can’t ever find. And even if he promises to help me find their bodies, I will totally kill him.

Stefan: K!

Bonnie’s Underground Lair

Uncle John: *searches for way to save Elena*

Damon: We HAVE to save Elena! And Aunt Jenna! Why are we wasting time? Bonnie can witch him dead!

Alaric: But then Bonnie dies.

Damon: WHY can’t Bonnie die? WHY? I’ll vampirize her too! Seriously, just let her save the day already.

Kevin Williamson: Oh crap, I hadn’t thought about Bonnie as a vampire. That kind of makes sense. What should we do?

Script Advisor: Ignore logic.

Kevin Williamson: *writes more illogical reasons why Bonnie cannot die*

Damon’s Eyes: *are CRAZY*

Crashing the Werepire Pier Party

Klaus: Now I’ll kill Aunt Jenna.

Stefan: About that….

Klaus: I hate people crashing my party that’s in a wide open public space, especially when their names appear before mine in the credits!

Bonnie’s Underground Chamber

Uncle John: Look, I found it! Emily’s spell of renewed contracts for season 3: non-vampire edition.

Jeremy: So Elena will live?

Damon: I can’t believe this WTF-ery beats out my awesome plan of Let Bonnie Die!

Werepire Pier Crashers

Elena: Aunt Jenna, listen to Stefan and Klaus’s convo!

Aunt Jenna: How? They’re like really far away.

Elena: You have super vampire hearing.

Aunt Jenna: I do?

Elena: Yeah, now use it to hear what they’re saying.

Aunt Jenna: I can’t hear anything.

Elena: Can you do ANYTHING well?

Aunt Jenna: Act clueless and let the bad guy in?

Lockwolf Mansion of It’s Not You, It’s Me. I’m Allergic to Vampires

Caroline: So now that you know everything and you see I’m still me, can we be together?

Matt: The thing is, being with you these last few episodes, they’ve really amped up my google search status, but being part of the supernatural storylines on this show requires too many scenes. And I have trouble remembering my lines.

Underground Cave of Uncle John Can Save Elena

Bonnie: *witches Uncle John’s head*

Damon: Hurry up! And this whole season 3 contract renewal non-vampire edition better work!

Bonnie: Done! Let’s go.

Jeremy: Yah!

Bonnie: Sorry, Jeremy. You’re not in this scene. *Kiss-witches Jeremy unconscious*

Alaric: Poor guy! *Is Witch-locked in the house*

Bonnie: Sorry, Alaric. You’re not in this scene either.

Alaric: Are you SERIOUS!?!!?!?

Budget Cuts: Hehehehe

Pier Party of Werepire Making

 Klaus: So instead of staking Aunt Jenna, I’m going to stake Stefan.

Elena: Noooooooooooo!

Aunt Jenna: Yeah, stake him, stake him!

Elena: Not my boytoy! Take my aunt!

Klaus: You are the worst main character ever! *stakes Stefan*

Stefan’s Agent: Um, according to his contract, he cannot die.

Klaus: Hmmm, well...then I staked him in a way where he’ll live and also I’ll mumble about vague reasons why I’d like him alive. Satisfied?

Stefan’s Agent: Sounds good. Bye!

Aunt Jenna: Don’t worry, Elena. I’m a vampire now. I have super powers. I know what to do!

Elena: Good, fight your way out of here and run!

Aunt Jenna: *vampirizes Gretta*

Elena: That’s NOT running!

Aunt Jenna: *is pushed by Klaus* *just lays there* *does not move* *could escape, but does not escape* *lays there some more* *is dead*

Elena: *sob* You were the worst guardian vampire ever!

Stefan: On the plus side, I’m still alive!

Klaus: Come here, Elena. Now you and I are one.

Elena: One what? Cute couple? I don’t think so!

Buffy: Can you PLEASE stop stealing my lines.

Klaus: *drinks*

Stefan: Nooooo! I was going to tap that drink that later!

Elena: *dies*

Klaus: I. Am. Werepire!

Bonnie: Time for my bad-ass witch scene! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Bonnie: *is BAMF*

Damon: Hi Gretta! Bye Gretta!

Gretta: *is dead*

Damon: Ok, mostly-dead-Elena. I’m here to save you. *carries her off into the sunset*

Team Dalena: *SWOONS*

Stefan: I need to stay in this scene until Klaus is dead. Also...can't. move. legs.

Bonnie: *Witch-Screams*

Elijah: Ok, Bonnie. You can stop. I’ll take it from here and kill my brother dead.

Klaus: No! If you kill me, I’ll never tell you where I hid the bodies of all our brothers and sisters. Also our mom. And the one grandmother who used to send women for our harem on our birthdays every year.

Bonnie: Save him, Elijah and I’ll witch you both dead.

Elijah: *escapes with Klaus*

Stefan: There goes his boy-scout badge!

Salvatore Elena’s Salvatore Mansion

Jeremy: Dude…you know that by saving Elena with a WTF-ery season 3 non-vampire contract that you’ll die, Uncle John?

Uncle John: Yah. But I’ll get a slow death scene. Give this letter and ring to Elena when she wakes up.

Alaric: Why am I in this scene?

Damon: *lays Elena on couch* You better not be a vampire when you wake up! Oh and sorry guys, Aunt Jenna died.

Alaric: *cries*

Uncle John: GG! Time for my death scene!

Elena: *wakes up* Yay! Still the star of the show!

Uncle John: *dies*

Lockwolf Mansion

Tyler: *wakes up* *is Naked!!!!!!!*

Blanket: *cock-blocks*

Caroline: Matt broke up with me. Will you be my boyfriend now?

Tyler: Want to come under my blanket?

Elena’s House of I NEVER Thought I’d Wear My Funeral Dress THIS Many Times

Elena: Jeremy, I’m super sorry you keep having people die because I’m the star of the show and everything is about me.

Jeremy: It’s cool. The more characters that die, the more screen time I get.

Elena: *Reads Uncle John’s Letter*

Uncle John’s Dead-Letter-Voice Over

So I was like totally lame as a parent and only guest starred on a few episodes. But I loved you a lot and I left you this ring so you can have a baby and give it to that baby one day because the main reason you lived and I died was so you could make babies which means you cannot be with Stefan forever because only Cullens make babies. Ok?

Mystic Falls GraveYard: Section Gilbert

Elena: *puts flowers of EVERY grave of every parent she ever had*

Alaric: *sobs*

Damon: I gotta go now, Stefan.

Stefan: What? You’re not sticking around to comfort Elena in her time of need?

Damon: Yeah about that…I’m dying too.

Stefan: NO! I will find a cure! We saved Elena with WTF-ery. It will work for you too!

Damon: Ok. But first I need to walk symbolically through this graveyard.

FIN!

How Your American Girl Doll Set Your Path in Life

While procrastinating doing important social networking researching on Facebook the other night, I ran across this little link: What Your American Girl Doll Says About You

Growing up, I coveted the American Girl Doll.  I remember when Felicity was released, and I remember begging, BEGGING my parents for a doll, and being so disappointed when my birthday came and went and that magical white and red box didn't appear.  Until one unassuming day in the spring... (probably when it was easier for my parents to burn $100 on a plastic doll) my doll came.  And she was glorious.  And apparently, she set the course for my life!

I received Kirsten.  Let's see what the article has to say about her:

"You probably got Kirsten because she was blond, or because you read a lot of Little House on the Prairie books."

Or you were like me, and obsessed with a) Oregon Trail, and b) braids (my hair was boy-length short as a girl...I had braid envy big time.)

"Whatever superficial motivation led you to choose Kirsten, you quickly learned that life as a Swedish immigrant in Minnesota is not all lingonberry pie and ice fishing. Not halfway through the first book does Kirsten's best friend Marta die suddenly and tragically of cholera. This was shocking and horrifying. Obviously, you were used to cholera deaths (this being the age of Oregon Trail), but this time it was different."

Man, cholera was the worst.

They should really just write, "Sam is about to BITE IT.  You can rest for ALL the days you want and shoot EIGHT THOUSAND POUNDS of meat (but you can only carry back 478 pounds), and it WON'T FIX CHOLERA."

  And, being the young writer that I was, I remember totally calling Marta's death before it happened.  Kirsten needed her stakes upped, after all.  Also, the fact I fell deeply in love with Willa Cather's work in grad school, which is really just like the adult version of "Kirsten Learns a Lesson" suddenly makes a lot more sense now.  

"You therefore grew up to be a bit more thoughtful, a bit more reserved than your peers. You also find yourself inexplicably drawn towards crafts like knitting, jam-making, and quilting."

I also dabble in crochet, felting soap, jewelry making, scrapbooking, photography and collage.  Whoops.  Hello there, American Girl stereotype.  Meet my life.

"You secretly suspect that you'd manage just fine in a post-Apocalyptic setting, should things come to that."  

So, I once wrote a post about how I'm pretty sure I'd die in any dystopia ever, but that doesn't deter my deep-seated love of the hypothetical Apocalypse.  Whether it's Day After Tomorrow or Susan Beth Pfeffer, if the world is ending, I AM THERE.  (Knitting.)

"You were surprised and delighted to see some of Kirsten's outfits come back into style in certain enclaves of Brooklyn."

I went to Sarah Lawrence, which could easily be renamed Hipster Central.  I knew people who boycotted shoes.  People who were leggings as pants BEFORE it was cool.  The entirety of my Urban Outfitters knowledge comes from my college days.  Oh hai there, vintage apron I wear when I make jam cookies.  You look an awful lot like this:

I know I'm not alone on this.  Time to fess up, people!  What doll did you have?  Or want, but not get?  And for the moms out there, are your daughters just as obsessed with them as we were back in the day?

Katy Perry & Bella Swan: Secret Critique Partners?

I've been driving a lot, which means I've been doing a lot of listening to one of my top guilty pleasures: really bad but catchy pop music.  One song that's been on regular rotation through my stereo these days is Katy Perry's "E.T."  Every time I listen to that song, it reminds me of something.  But it wasn't until now that I realized exactly what that something was.

It's Bella Swan.

Katy says: What do you think of what I've got so far?  Is the motivation clear?  Is the pacing alright?

 Bella says: Sorry Katie, I'm mid-blink and Edward's liquid topaz eyes are calling to me.  I'll have to email my comments.

Seriously!  I feel like the lyrics to that song could be taken straight out of Twilight dialogue.  It could go something like this...

I highlighted the actual lyrics of the song in red so you could see just how little I had to add to create this scene. And, if you're unfamiliar with Katy Perry's latest creation, I've embedded the video at the end of this post. Enjoy!


(cue dream sequence music a la Scrubs)

"You're so hypnotizing," breathed Bella, staring into Edward's melting butterscotch eyes.  "Could you be the devil?  Could you be an angel?"

Edward stepped closer to her.  "I think you already know which one I am."  He put his hands on Bella's shoulders.  Bella shivered at the touch of his icy hands.  "I'm not to be trusted."

She refused to look away.  To step away.  "Your touch," she whispered.  "Magnetizing.  Feels...like I'm floating."  She put her hand on his chest.  Through his tight black t-shirt she could feel the marble hardness of his chest.  "You leave my body glowing."

Edward pushed her away, taking a step back.  Bella could tell he had only used a fraction of his true power.  That if he wanted to, he could break her in a million different ways.  "They say, be afraid," she told him.  "You're not like the others."

"You should be afraid, Bella," Edward's voice was cold and dark.  "It's not safe for us to be together."  He turned away, looking out towards the forest.

I know he's from the past, Bella thought, but the way he can read my mind, it's as if he's from the future.  A futuristic lover.  Different DNA than anyone else on this earth.

"They don't understand you," Bella said, reaching for him again.  She longed to feel his cold marble touch.  She knew she saw the true Edward, hidden deep somewhere in his liquid topaz eyes.  "You're from a whole other world.  A different dimension."  She thrust her hands into his.  "You," she breathed, "You open my eyes.  I'm ready to go, Edward.  Lead me into the light."  She pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his waist.  "Kiss me."  Her eyelids fluttered.  "Kiss me," she repeated.  "Infect me with your love." 

Fill me with your poison, she thought with a shudder of pleasure.

"Take me," she insisted, tightening her arms.  Take me.  I'm ready, she thought.  I want to a victim.  His victim.  I'm ready for abduction.

"Bella," Edward moaned.  "We can't do this."

"Boy, you're an alien," she said.  "You're not like anyone else I've ever known.  You're different.  Your touch is foreign.  It's supernatural."  She looked down.  "Extraterrestrial.  Please, Edward," she begged, "You're so supersonic.  I want to feel your powers."  She pressed her against him.  "Stun me with your lasers," she whispered, blinking.

And then their mouths were pressed together and she couldn't breathe.  Finally.  This is what she wanted.  She could feel the power coursing through him.  She shivered against his body, so like a statue, feeling gooseflesh prickle across her body.

They pulled away, both gasping for breath.

"Your kiss," Bella gasped, "is cosmic.  Every movie is magic."  She kissed him again before he could protest.

(end dream sequence)

So, what do you think?  Sounds like it's pulled from the pages of Twilight, doesn't it? 
(And of course, please keep in mind this is all in good fun!)

Note: The official music video uses the version featuring rapping from Kanye West.  Also, I'd rate the video PG-13ish, for weirdness and a little bit of guy butt at the end.

Woody is Haymitch!

Guys, we have HAYMITCH!

OMG. I am freaking out! This is such amazing casting! Check it out!

Plus we have Stanley "He can do NO wrong" Tucci cast as Caesar Flickerman! This just keeps getting better!

What do you guys think?

Belated Blogiversary Note!

One month ago, on April 5th, the First Novels Club blog had its second blogiversary.

In two years, we've written over 500 posts and gained an incredible 1000+ followers, which was more than we ever imagined when we began.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

We've had a blast so far, and we hope to keep you entertained for many, many more posts!

Look Ma, no pain! The Miraculous Healing Gene (MHG) in YA

Movies, TV, and books have conditioned us to believe that adrenaline and general awesomeness cure EVERYTHING.

This is false. (Collective gasp.)

Yes, we've all heard the stories of moms lifting cars off babies, and sheer will to live goes a long way... but in action movies and any TV shows/books where run-of-the-mill (AKA neither superhuman nor superpowered) human beings gets injured, they bounce back with astounding pep.

They all seem to be gifted with the Miraculous Healing Gene (MHG).

Yeah, it would be no fun to watch if, after a big fight, you had 40 pages of whining about the painnnnnn... but even a little more acknowledgment of the realities of injuries would be nice!

"I totes just got mowed down by a speeding car, but it's only a broken leg,
and don't I look cute in this hospital gown?"

And, like, those gigantic explosions that make CGI techs clap their hands with glee? They HURT!

I can't hear! I can't hear! There's blood blisters on my hands! Oh, my God! How do you walk away in a movie without flinching when it explodes behind them? There's no way!

- Allen, The Other Guys

So WHAT if you've been trained your whole life to be some Ethan Hunt/Jason Bourne-esque super-spy? I'm sorry, Evelyn Salt, but you jumping from an overpass onto one speeding truck...

Onto another...

And then onto ANOTHER...

As well as crashing cars into each other AND THEN over overpasses into EVEN MORE CARS ... just takes a little too much suspension of disbelief.

I mean, anyone who's had a hardcore workout who could barely lift their arms the next day, or whose abs hurt when they moved or laughed or breathed knows that just training to fight HURTS!

If you were training to be a vampire slayer in a 90s movie,
you had to wear those awesome leggings.

And heck, I stub my toe on my furniture all the time, and it HURTS!

YA characters I admire because they didn't get the 
Miraculous Healing Gene
(and are still awesomesauce and save the day anyway):

Dru Anderson, Strange Angels
- She's been trained since childhood to fight various supernatural beings, but fighting werewulfen, zombies, and suckers leaves her body in agony for days.

Fire, Fire
- She gets seriously attacked by raptor monsters and is out of commission for a longggg time!

Katniss and Peeta, The Hunger Games
- Katniss is knocked unconscious and loses her hearing after an explosion; Peeta nearly dies from a leg injury.


Help me out here: What other YA novels show the realities of pain, either during or after a battle? Or what injury did you have that proved to you that the pain tolerance and injury in movies, TV shows, and books are all LIES LIES LIES! Leave it in the comments!


Tweet

PS - This post was inspired by Strange Angels, which I'm currently reading, and even further encouraged by Sara's classic post, The Perks of Being a Fictional Character.