Well you guys, it's summer and there are NO Vampire Diaries in sight! And I miss my vampires. And my recaps. And...diaries...
So I figured with the release of the official Breaking Dawn trailer, I could do a recap.
YAY!
Here we go...
BREAKING DAWN: THE TRAILER RECAP
Hollywood Movie Studios: Trailer Production Room (or what I like to imagine as Cameron Diaz's house in The Holiday!)
Trailer Producer 1: What kind of music should we use for the Breaking Dawn trailer.
Trailer Producer 2: Dramatic Wailing Woman?
TP 1: Nah, we used her for Twilight. She kind of creeps me out.
TP2: What about NO music? It'll be really dramatic. And focus on the characters' inner turmoil.
TP1: Too close to what we did for New Moon.
TP2: I know! Slow dramatic music that represents choices.
TP 1: Naaaah. Oh! I have it!
TP 2: What?
TP 1: The Most. Dramatic. Music. Ever.
TP 2: It says here the trailer is about a wedding.
TP 1: YES!
TP 2: I do not think this music means what you think it means....
TP 1: ....
TP 2: ....
TP 1: Roll tape!
Volterra, Italy: Volturi Headquarters
Girl: I am SO glad I caught that designer shoe sale so I could wear new heels while I deliver the mail to "Resident" on a silver platter.
Arro: Resident? They addressed this to resident!?!? See if I buy from their registry now!
Forks, Washington: Charlie's Place
Charlie: No open bar at the reception... Can I hide beer in my suit jacket? What about a fish?
Jacksonville, Florida: Casa De Renee and that other guy
Renee: It's the wedding invitation! YAY!
Wedding Invitation: Psst. Shake me like a polaroid picture.
Renee: Huh?
Wedding Invitation: I double as a fan!
Renee: Neat!
Black Screen: The Trailer
November 18th: Write me in your calendars, EVERYONE. Now!
Dramatic Music: Is intensifying
Forks, Washington: House of Black
Rain: Is raining
Jacob: I hate this shirt! *rips it off*
Every girl ever: Dayum!!!
Jacob: And I hate these cargo shorts! *WOLFS*
Cargo shorts: *explode*
Jorts: *feel left out*
Billy: WTF?
Wedding Invitation: Look at me! I'm water repellent!
Forks, Washington: The Wedding
Bella: I better not trip down the aisle.
Charlie: I won't let you trip in your own wedding trailer.
Bella: Thanks, Dad!
Charlie: But I make no promises for the extended DVD.
Edward: Wheee! It's my big fat 1800s wedding!
Bella: Crap. I should have brushed my hair.
Edward: You never brush your hair.
Bella: Good point.
The Honeymoon: Brazil? Isle Esme?
Edward: Let's dance!
Bella: You know I can't dance.
Edward: Ok, let's kiss!
Bella: Done
Giant Jesus Statue: Do not be alarmed, trailer viewers. The following scenes take place between two people who are MARRIED.
Bella: Let's lose our virginity on the count of three.
Edward: 1...
Bella: 2...
Edward: 3!
Honeymoon Bed: OW! WTF! I needed that! *crumbles*
Bella: Do it in the water!
Edward: K!
Honeymoon Bed: *grumble grumble* Sure now that you broke me! Don't break the river! *glares*
Volterra Italy, Volturi Headquarters:
Arro: Resident? RESIDENT! Don't these vampires know wedding etiquette!?!?! *vampire toss*
Girl: Stop! My shoes!
Isle Esme:
Edward: Just kissing my sleeping bride. In our honeymoon bed. Wearing a wife beater.
Honeymoon Bed: Wife beater? More like BED beater! I hate you!
Forks, Washington:
Jacob: Here's another close up of my face. Lest you forget I'm in anguish.
Edward: Obligatory Vampire Toss! RAWR!
Isle Esme:
Bella: *examines stomach in the mirror* This is impossible. I brushed my hair!
Edward: I have no reaction in this shot.
Renesmee Embryo: Oh HAI Mom and Dad!
Edward: *eyes widen*
FIN!
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PS from Donna -- As with all of our awesomely hilarious recaps, this one is by Frankie, though Blogger somehow attributed it to me! Yayyyy Frankie!
Why can't you guys write the Breaking Dawn screenplay?!?! I'd watch the hell out of that movie.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, even amidst the sniggering of watching the trailer, I did have a slight DAYUM moment when Jakey took off his shirt. And then I felt slightly dirty. And watched it again.
ReplyDelete@Annie, Haha! I'd write the hell out of that screenplay! If only they'd call me!
ReplyDelete@Summer Frey, You are NOT alone! I did the same!
LOLOLOLS! Loved this. And we definitely heard the "DAYUM" reactions when we were watching the trailer debut at the MTV Movie Awards. Screaming teenage girls = hilarious. (As long as we're not actually in the same room with them.)
ReplyDeleteOMG soooo funny! I hope you guys do this for all the trailers. Cause, ya know, they will have at least 10! :)
ReplyDeleteSay it with me...Jacob shirtless=...DAYUM!!!
I'm cracking up.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same thing about the invitation in the rain. Seriously!
And the shoe sale so true.
You need to over dub this onto the trailer. Vlog it lady.
Hilarious.
My favorite, by FAR:
ReplyDeleteGiant Jesus Statue: Do not be alarmed, trailer viewers. The following scenes take place between two people who are MARRIED.
When I first watched the trailer, I was totally like, WTF giant Jesus?
@We Heart Ya, Haha! If you see the movie in theaters, prepare yourself!
ReplyDelete@Jessica, Thanks! So glad you enjoyed! And sure, I will totally recap the second trailer!
Ready? 1,2,3....DAYUM!
@Christine, LOL yay! A dubbed vlog would be hilarious, but Im so not high tech enough. But if someone else wants to do that, Id love to see!
@Donna, Giant Jesus Statue is here to regulate! Without his stone presence, this trailer would have been INSANE!
The "giant Jesus" is for you to know where are they: Rio de Janeiro... It's called "Cristo redentor"
ReplyDeleteAh, thanks, Fran. I just changed that in the recap. You're right. Though I'm sure they still had fun playing with the image for other reasons:)
ReplyDeletehaha of course, Frankie, I think that was to assume to hehe btw, love your recaps ;)
ReplyDelete@Fran, Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this! I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only one who couldn't help but snigger at that trailer ;)
ReplyDeleteMaegan, you are so refined. I guffawed.
ReplyDeleteThen I guffawed again over the recap.
So great. One of those things you read, laugh hysterically over, then say "Wish I'd written that."
Awesome. :)
Resident...really? totally agree with what's up with that!?!...I thought the cullens where rich..a laminated card as an invitation..no frilly lacey designs? I'd expect more
ReplyDelete